December 31, 2011

Tonight for New Year's Eve we're going to Humble Pie followed by going to see Morning After at Southland Ballroom. Seems like an appropriate band to see or at least their name is appropriate for this day.

I wasn't real impressed with 2011. There were some real highlights but all in all I'm looking forward to a big improvement in 2012 starting tomorrow.


If 2011 had a face my boy Kim's face would be it.

Today's phrase is intestinal fortitude.

Today was our company picnic. Working for Poi, as stated before, can be a challenge on a personal level. Friday she said her new man would be at the company picnic so of course I said I sure wouldn't be there.
I mean who would?

One thing positive about this period, I have gotten much stronger internally. I have been knocked down so many times over the past few years and more so the past 7 months and I keep getting up. Yesterday I got to thinking that seeing POI's kids A&R would be more than worth the yuck of seeing POI and her man together. I wanted to take control and if I am as strong as I think I have become, than I could go today. I wanted to show A&R that they will always be a huge part of my head and heart. I could only do that by going to the picnic. I know they know but reinforcement is a good thing.

So I went and am so glad I did. One of POI's best friends was there as well, which was a real bonus. She's been a really good friend through this business. She's very loyal to POI and doesn't share everything but she has remained a wonderful friend. A&R's reception was tempered but nice. They didn't know I was going to be there. They also have loyalty for their mother. Those are two of the coolest best spirited kids ever. Ever! They're in my DNA. I love'em. POI has ended my communications with AorR but I did tell A that when I "like" his posts on FB I was saying hi. He said he knew.

So after an hour it was time to move. "A" and I had a few final laughs as he walked me to my car. I can go to bed knowing I did the right thing. I feel really good about going.

Well that didn't last long.

I decided to stay on Match for one more month...really. I did take about two weeks off. The problem with that was that excessive thinking returned. I even misinterpreted POI's friendly personable conversations recently as a sign of renewed interest. I was very wrong.

Match, if nothing else is an interesting diversion and a rather surreal ego boost. This morning I got a message from a 61 year old woman from Statesville, NC. That's like 150 mils away. Why?

Tomorrow is Spiritedgal6 from Chapel Hill. She is a research scientist for a pharmaceutical company. I'm looking forward to it. I have avoided women from Wake Forest where POI lives. I no longer shy away from Wake Forest and have been in touch with a couple of women there.

Match is way more time consuming than the past two times. I was crazy lucky. I'm going to try to be more open than I've been of late and get my head into this social exercise and finally move on.

Situational friends, friends and true friends

I've been interested in the dynamics of friendships for some time. There is no real purpose to categorizing friendships other than as a writing exercise.

I've been thinking about this hierarchy of friendship lately because I have spoken to a few friends recently that I haven't spoken to in some time. I couldn't say all these folks are true friends but they are good friends. I was interested in see what type of relationship would evolve from poi's cul-d-sac friends/neighbors. After poi broke up I told her that I didn't expect to hear from any of the cul-d-sac people because though they had been friends for 5 years they were going to be situational friends because they weren't going to call or invite me over for a cookout or to watch a game on tv. Poi disagreed. I have found in the past 2 weeks I haven't been forgotten by at least two of the Cul-d-sackers. I wondered if I was missed by people I had gotten to know over the years. The past 2 weeks I have found that I am missed and that they want to get together. Little things like being told that you're missed is a reaffirming thing to hear and elevates a person from a situational friend to a friend.

This is all bull shit gibberish. It's the kind of thinking that has no value but it's the kind of thinking that goes on in my head once in a while. I mean someone who is considered a true friend can fall off the map while a person that may be considered a situational friend could step up and surprise you. Poi was a true friend for a long time and now I'm not sure she fits any of the categories. She has broken up many times, a friend wouldn't do that but she had been there so many times during good times and tough times that she was true friend.

Ultimately you're a very fortunate soul if you have friends no matter what. If you're lucky enough to have a true friend or two than you have a real gift. Let them know once in a while how much you appreciate them. They know you do but it's really good to hear.

The person that deserves me, I don't deserve, yet.

If money could be made by just thinking, I'd be rich. I have wasted soooooo much time thinking about things I have no control over. I would certainly be an Olympic medalist in the Over Thinking event. Unfortunately contrary to what you may have heard there isn't money in thinking about things that have no basis in reality.
Sadly I don't have the ability to turn on and off my brain.

I've reached a decision, I'm going to take a break from Match. I can't give the masses what the crave :) in my current state. Currently if the "right" one came along I'm not sure I would recognize or act on it. I need to clear the toxins that have been floating in my spirit for way too long before I'm really ready to start again. It's the right decision for me and my future POI.

It's hot already.

90 degrees two days in a row. No one asked but I'm not ready for this heat/humidity thing.

Tomorrow is payday here in c6. Breathing has been fully restored. Professionally speaking things are pretty darn good right now. Tomorrow's check will reflect that. Also communication with poi professionally has been terrific lately, however celebrating this big accomplishment together, well I do get a check. Seems sort of empty if I may speak the truth.

Speaking of hot, last week I had three dates with three very fine women. This week I cut it back to one. Frankly unless I have a spreadsheet with profiles and emails sent, I don't remember who they are. Actually the problem is I need to step up my care level. I'm not sure what letter game I've brought to these dates but it hasn't been very high. My Match renewal in next week, I'm going to recalibrate and give it another go.

I was wondering...

...how many people from China come to the U.S. to adopt an American baby?

...if anyone I know has ever bought anything from Sky Mall?

...if homeless people know that standing all day in the sun holding up a sign that reads "will work for food" is harder than actually working? I guess holding a sign isn't a real transferable skill.

...what probiotics were good for?

...if every house made today in the U.S. has an open floor plan, granite counter tops in the kitchen, double sinks in the master bathroom, stainless appliances and that's great for entertaining? You could make a drinking game out of any real estate show on HGTV. Granite counter top, take a drink. Great for entertaining, take a drink. You'll be hammered by the end of a single episode.

...what the heck I'm doing inside when it's so beautiful outside? Artsplosure is today! I think I'll walk to it and soak up some sun.