Have I mentioned, don't take anything or anyone for granted?

I guess this is the obituary to an at times magical relationship. One day you can be in a euphoric blissful state and less then a week later you can diminished to stuff in a box ready to be dropped off. Though the actual words were not spoken POI broke up with me today after 20 months together. It's not a very good birthday present, in fact it so sucks. I'm pissed and very disappointed. I frankly am a bit stunned by this decision. Aside from that, I really don't have anything negative to say about her other then that this isn't her best decision. I loved POI more then I thought would have been possible by any one human. She's stunning and honestly one of the highest quality people I've ever been around. POI's house is a house full of laughter and love and I was a part of that, which ment so so much. The at times magical moments we had is in such contrast to today. I feel empty. I feel like my best friend died today. POI and I aren't the only ones affected by this, A+R who I love as my own are going to miss me. I miss them already. Not having kids they were a new experience for me. They are truly great kids and POI is a good mother. It was a fun foursome. I grew in may ways during these 20 months and for that I am extremely grateful. If I had three wishes, I would use one of them here. Maybe I do, how long does it take for wishes to kick in?

120 minute run...

..and I did it in 2 hours.


Central Park 11/03

Last night I got the official hand off of Chris' number for NY. This is the second time I'll be running as Chris Engel. When I run as Chris I like to take on all of his mannerisms and his persona. Crazy fun. There's talk that Kim may jump in with Dan and I. The usual jump in spot is around mile 12 in Brooklyn. Right now the line-up for the trip are Kim Chris, Dan and myself, staying at Mr. Potter's. The Georges may come up as well but would stay in a near by hotel.

I had to turn off the Michigan game. They were getting blown out again. ARGH!!!

You know when you get really pissed off...

and no one seems to understand?

The Michigan game was the sourse of my pissed offness. There wan't even a line on that game. Michgan was #5 in the nation. They had never losed to a 1A school in their 115 year history of playing football. Well this past Saturday was the day when the universe was upside down. I was in Va Beach this weekend with the Kleinstacks, I checked in on the game on line when it was 28-17. I wasn’t happy but there was the second half and I knew Lloyd Carr would get their heads back on straight for the 3rd quarter. POI, was having a hard time getting her head around my pissed offness. I was a mess when I checked back in after the game. The season was over. There was no reason to watch another game. I can't read Sunday's paper. I can't watch any sports for days. This was the biggest upset in the history of college football. As my boy Chuch D put it " don't believe the hype". I said it last year and I’ll say it again, Lloyd should be fired. If he was in the private sector he would at the very least be on probation. His record notwithstanding. If Michigan doesn’t beat Ohio State this year he joins former OSU coach John Cooper in retirement.

Today POI asked if I was ok to watch football again. I told her it might be a few days before I can even read the paper. I’ll probably end up watching the Oregon game but right now I’m not interested. I just don’t want to hear more about that thing Saturday.

I feel better thank you for reading. Michigan still sucked.

Self Portrait

Aunt Mary died last Wednesday. She lived a good life and the memories cushion her lose. Though she had been ill for some time it was never the subject of any conversation. Not that I didn't want to hear about it, she didn't want to talk about it. She felt our time together was to short to bring up how sick she was. She was more interested in hearing about "what was really going on". She always started out with " I have a second, tell me all you know". It was cute the first 237 times I heard it but then I would say it with her. She was a great listener but her also had strong opinions on almost every subject. We had a similar sense of humor which may be why I always thought she was funny.

It's a big day tomorrow here in c6. I have a conference call with Kodak tomorrow. It's sort of an introduction call to discuss transportation. I'll save my notes, I can feel the interest out there. My partner in such endevors Chris will be joining me. My brain isn't big enough to handle such a call right now.

My brain is much less cluttered these day. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and bigger. Keep your fingers, eyes, legs and T's crossed.

You never know what kind of influence you have on others

I just received news that my favorite aunt isn't likely to last another day. Aunt Mary's been breathing life into everything she's done and everyone she's been in contact with for the past 80 years. Growing up she was my favorite adult. She has such a full spirit. She has such a quick wit and an honest sense of humor and sincerity that always made you glad you were in her company. She taught me a lot about life and was a huge influence on me even on my move to Raleigh when I was 24. When ever I went back to Michigan going to see she and my uncle Alan was always a priority. I've been blessed to have such a wonderful human in my life. She is going to be missed by everyone who knew her. I've gone between has and had but she will always be in my heart. She is a great woman and I'll miss her horribly.

Dare to dream

...the alternative is giving up. Many of my friends are daring to dream. Kim and Ethan, recently married, just moved into their new house, Chris is exploring a new career in photography, Taryn will be graduating from college in the next semester or two, Charles just started his first new job in several years, and Lori who has a successful business is seeing further growth with an extension to her business. Two years ago none of these good people could have guessed they would be where they are now. I'm the late bloomer in the group but things are changing in c6 as well. I've learned after several false starts not to tell everything I know so as change becomes tangible I'll share. But the dream is alive.

Is your gut the arbiter of your life?

What part of your body makes the final decision? Your heart? Your head? Your gut? What happens when you have conflict between these various body parts? I know it's situational and different parts weigh in more depending on the situation. Buying cereal, buying a pair of shoes or staying with someone you love are different emotional decisions. Cereal, maybe not a life changing decision but even cereal can be an emotional decision though maybe on the lowest level. Your head may come into play here. Buying shoes ups the emotional anti. How will they look, do they match anything I have, how expensive are they, how will I feel wearing them? The head and heart play large rolls here. Now for the big one, if you love someone who brings you joy, laughter, happiness and shows you a side of yourself that you haven't felt in a long time yet your gut tells you that it isn't long term, what body part prevails? The heart tells you that you have found the right person. Your head may tell you that as great as it is more time may be needed to fully evaluate what the heart is telling you. What happens when you've found the love of your life but your gut tells you it won't last? What do you tell this person? What can you tell this person? Can you tell this person that they should follow their heart-it is the largest organ in the body so it should carry more weight. Happiness respect joy honesty and laughter is a hard combination to come by and to let it go because of a gut feeling seems like a decision a person would soon regret and the other person would have a difficult time understanding and emotionally accepting.