My people

The Kleinstacks are going to join me in Michigan over the Holidays. It's going to be an all star event this year which will include my cousins Anne and Tim from CA and my brother Matt also from CA. I haven't seen Anne or Tim in a whole gob of years. I'm not sure the Kleinstacks are going to be ready for the cold. They'll be staying with my sister in Ann Arbor where 12 inches of snow fell yesterday. It'll be fun. I'm so glad I'm not driving this year. Chris and Taryn are going to look after Clio. That right there is a gift, otherwise I'd have to leave out a hundred bowls of food.

I hope everyone has a most wonderful holiday season and a safe, healthy, prosperous and adventurous 2008 with lots of love and respect and without drama.

peace.

I can transmit my thoughts to store front windows

Charlie Brown Chrismas is on tonight. Christmas Season can now begin.

Since our last episode there's been a transition with POI. She has advance to POEI (person of extream interest), a position sought by many, obtained by few. Things all changed in New York during the Marathon weekend. Since then things had been crazy fun and really nice, very ahhh like. I've shared all the drama with my friends and I know they need a rest. I can't promise anything but one of my early New Years resolutions for 2008 is to be drama free. Dare to dream.

4:59.26

Dan and I approching Chris and Kim between miles 12 and 13 in Brooklyn.


This past weekend was the marathon. I'm not sure if anyone is keeping score but that was maybe the best weekend of the year. For the fifth straight year the weather was great as was just about everything else. As if that weren't enough the Kleinstacks drove up to join in the festivities. John Potter was a great host.

Kim and Chris met us between miles 12 and 13, again around mile 23. The Kleinstacks met us around mile 18. Then they all met us after the jog and death march getting out of the coral.

For the sense of having thousands of people yell out encouragement along the way many runners write their name on their number. So people will yell GO... One guy put Nads on his number so people yelled GO Nads! I was thinking about it and next year I may put as my name ...speed racer-go or even better ...home; Go "Speed Racer-go" or Go "Home". Go home is kind of sadistic but funny.

There's already rumors floating around that Kim, POI and even Teresa are going to register for next year. That would crazy fun.

10 Days until the Marathon

My long runs are done. No more 2 hour + runs. The hardest part is behind me, well a side from the 26.2 miles coming up.
The final line-up for the trip includes Dan, Chris Kim and myself. Mr. Potter will again play host.
Before I do that I'm going to Miami on Sunday for the annual national minority business conference. Not really being a certified minority, I get to be one for a day. This is huge event professionally for me so cross your fingers, legs, eye and Ts for me. A prayer would be nice as well.

I've been downloading some new or new to me songs of late. Ane Brun, The Stylistics, Euphoria, Gladys Knight and The Pipps, Garbage, Foo Fighters, Patsy Cline, Regina Spektor, Notorious B.I.G, Noir Desir, Righteous Brothers, The Rolling Stones, Wire, Sheila Chandra and Snow Patrol have joined my library.

For those of you keeping score at home, there isn't anything new on the POI front. At times our relationship reminds me of the old Charter ads, "if you don't get help at Charter, please get help somewhere". POI is my bestest friend, we are each other's biggest supporters and we make each other laugh. I know there's more to a normal relationship but I really dig her chilli and she's cool:)

Today's ethical question is, what if you have a friend who does something that is socially and morally unethical? I guess you could ask, how unethical? Can you maintain a friendship? Do you cut them off? Do you stand by them? For some offensives the answer is clear but what if it’s not so clear? I don't have answers I just have questions.

Everyday is a life lesson

I recently spent a week in Michigan watching my sister's kids while she and my brother in-law went to Italy. Usually I take my own toiletries but this time I forgot my beauty products which is limited to facial and body lotions. I was left with my sister's selection, apparently Matt in a minimalist in the lotion arena. After a run on my second day in Ann Arbor I tool a shower and afterwards I moved onto the lotion potion of the program. I didn't have my glasses so I couldn't read all the choices in front of me so I had to guess what might be appropriate for my face and body. I stood there for a minute and just dove in. With all the choices I knew I couldn't really make a bad decision after all aren't they all the same? But without my glasses it was a bit of a crap shoot. Anyway mission accomplished and I felt clean and well lubricated against the elements.

Shower number two was easier, I just stuck with the same line-up. The first round of my lotion selection seemed to do the trick besides I didn't think it was necessary to think too much again. I was still though wondering what the heck I was putting on my body.

Like my old pal POI showers don't have to be taken everyday or even every few days but I went ahead and took another shower a couple of days later whether I needed it or not. This time armed with my glasses I decided to read what I was putting on. It was for the most part all in French. I took French in 8th grade but as more then a few people have told me, my French is gibberish. Light Blue by Dolce + Gabbana; a refreshing body gel, I used for my body lotion. Seemed like a reasonable choice. L'eau D'Issey Douceurde Crème Pour LeCorps by Issey Miyake, I used for my face. I have absolutely no idea what that was. Lastly I used Tonique Magique: Apaisant Sans Alcool by Dior, for my feet. This is where I made my big mistake. Upon reading further Tonique Magique is "the last step in a make-up removal beauty routine. i don't use a lot of make-up on my feet.

So today's life lesson is to read labels before using them. My feet did feel nice and smooth afterwards so maybe products for make-up removal can also help your feet.

Let's try this again...

After a couple of attempts at reconciling things with POI, today was our final conversation. The fact that POI doesn't see me in her life long term finally sunk in. To know the kind of relationship we had on the deepest level, it remains difficult to comprehend how or why it's over but not seeing me long term in her life is a tough obstacle to overcome. She's one in 1.8 million. I couldn't love, respect or adore anyone more then I do/did her. She was truly my "it" girl. I will miss she and her children and all that they brought me for a very long time. I certainly pled my case with her and nothing would please me more then for her to see that what we had was rare and that that wins the day but she's not going to change which means I have to move on. If I had 3 wishes I would use one of them here and POI and I would continue the magic. But I can't wait and wish. I'm going to give Match another go, it's where I met POI and maybe lightening will strike twice. This may be a fruitless venture sense I would be looking for POI sans all the thinking. I get the hebbies just thinking about anyone else even touching POI. YUCK!

So one person walks out of my life and another one re-enters. I spent 2 hours of my day today, that I should have spent in WK, having coffee and talking with Kyle Hood (kylehood.com) a photographer I repped back in the glory days of my repping career. We parted on not so good terms and frankly I was surprised to hear from him. I was his best man at his wedding 9 years ago. After his apologies and my accepting of those apologies we talked about working together again. He's a good guy and he does take some pretty pictures so I think I'm going to do it. I have to talk to my web designer to see what it would take to add him to my sight and retain the clean design that it presently has.

Tomorrow's topic is my week last week in Michigan taking care of my sister's children...

One person leaves another re-enters.

Have I mentioned, don't take anything or anyone for granted?

I guess this is the obituary to an at times magical relationship. One day you can be in a euphoric blissful state and less then a week later you can diminished to stuff in a box ready to be dropped off. Though the actual words were not spoken POI broke up with me today after 20 months together. It's not a very good birthday present, in fact it so sucks. I'm pissed and very disappointed. I frankly am a bit stunned by this decision. Aside from that, I really don't have anything negative to say about her other then that this isn't her best decision. I loved POI more then I thought would have been possible by any one human. She's stunning and honestly one of the highest quality people I've ever been around. POI's house is a house full of laughter and love and I was a part of that, which ment so so much. The at times magical moments we had is in such contrast to today. I feel empty. I feel like my best friend died today. POI and I aren't the only ones affected by this, A+R who I love as my own are going to miss me. I miss them already. Not having kids they were a new experience for me. They are truly great kids and POI is a good mother. It was a fun foursome. I grew in may ways during these 20 months and for that I am extremely grateful. If I had three wishes, I would use one of them here. Maybe I do, how long does it take for wishes to kick in?

120 minute run...

..and I did it in 2 hours.


Central Park 11/03

Last night I got the official hand off of Chris' number for NY. This is the second time I'll be running as Chris Engel. When I run as Chris I like to take on all of his mannerisms and his persona. Crazy fun. There's talk that Kim may jump in with Dan and I. The usual jump in spot is around mile 12 in Brooklyn. Right now the line-up for the trip are Kim Chris, Dan and myself, staying at Mr. Potter's. The Georges may come up as well but would stay in a near by hotel.

I had to turn off the Michigan game. They were getting blown out again. ARGH!!!

You know when you get really pissed off...

and no one seems to understand?

The Michigan game was the sourse of my pissed offness. There wan't even a line on that game. Michgan was #5 in the nation. They had never losed to a 1A school in their 115 year history of playing football. Well this past Saturday was the day when the universe was upside down. I was in Va Beach this weekend with the Kleinstacks, I checked in on the game on line when it was 28-17. I wasn’t happy but there was the second half and I knew Lloyd Carr would get their heads back on straight for the 3rd quarter. POI, was having a hard time getting her head around my pissed offness. I was a mess when I checked back in after the game. The season was over. There was no reason to watch another game. I can't read Sunday's paper. I can't watch any sports for days. This was the biggest upset in the history of college football. As my boy Chuch D put it " don't believe the hype". I said it last year and I’ll say it again, Lloyd should be fired. If he was in the private sector he would at the very least be on probation. His record notwithstanding. If Michigan doesn’t beat Ohio State this year he joins former OSU coach John Cooper in retirement.

Today POI asked if I was ok to watch football again. I told her it might be a few days before I can even read the paper. I’ll probably end up watching the Oregon game but right now I’m not interested. I just don’t want to hear more about that thing Saturday.

I feel better thank you for reading. Michigan still sucked.

Self Portrait

Aunt Mary died last Wednesday. She lived a good life and the memories cushion her lose. Though she had been ill for some time it was never the subject of any conversation. Not that I didn't want to hear about it, she didn't want to talk about it. She felt our time together was to short to bring up how sick she was. She was more interested in hearing about "what was really going on". She always started out with " I have a second, tell me all you know". It was cute the first 237 times I heard it but then I would say it with her. She was a great listener but her also had strong opinions on almost every subject. We had a similar sense of humor which may be why I always thought she was funny.

It's a big day tomorrow here in c6. I have a conference call with Kodak tomorrow. It's sort of an introduction call to discuss transportation. I'll save my notes, I can feel the interest out there. My partner in such endevors Chris will be joining me. My brain isn't big enough to handle such a call right now.

My brain is much less cluttered these day. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and bigger. Keep your fingers, eyes, legs and T's crossed.

You never know what kind of influence you have on others

I just received news that my favorite aunt isn't likely to last another day. Aunt Mary's been breathing life into everything she's done and everyone she's been in contact with for the past 80 years. Growing up she was my favorite adult. She has such a full spirit. She has such a quick wit and an honest sense of humor and sincerity that always made you glad you were in her company. She taught me a lot about life and was a huge influence on me even on my move to Raleigh when I was 24. When ever I went back to Michigan going to see she and my uncle Alan was always a priority. I've been blessed to have such a wonderful human in my life. She is going to be missed by everyone who knew her. I've gone between has and had but she will always be in my heart. She is a great woman and I'll miss her horribly.

Dare to dream

...the alternative is giving up. Many of my friends are daring to dream. Kim and Ethan, recently married, just moved into their new house, Chris is exploring a new career in photography, Taryn will be graduating from college in the next semester or two, Charles just started his first new job in several years, and Lori who has a successful business is seeing further growth with an extension to her business. Two years ago none of these good people could have guessed they would be where they are now. I'm the late bloomer in the group but things are changing in c6 as well. I've learned after several false starts not to tell everything I know so as change becomes tangible I'll share. But the dream is alive.

Is your gut the arbiter of your life?

What part of your body makes the final decision? Your heart? Your head? Your gut? What happens when you have conflict between these various body parts? I know it's situational and different parts weigh in more depending on the situation. Buying cereal, buying a pair of shoes or staying with someone you love are different emotional decisions. Cereal, maybe not a life changing decision but even cereal can be an emotional decision though maybe on the lowest level. Your head may come into play here. Buying shoes ups the emotional anti. How will they look, do they match anything I have, how expensive are they, how will I feel wearing them? The head and heart play large rolls here. Now for the big one, if you love someone who brings you joy, laughter, happiness and shows you a side of yourself that you haven't felt in a long time yet your gut tells you that it isn't long term, what body part prevails? The heart tells you that you have found the right person. Your head may tell you that as great as it is more time may be needed to fully evaluate what the heart is telling you. What happens when you've found the love of your life but your gut tells you it won't last? What do you tell this person? What can you tell this person? Can you tell this person that they should follow their heart-it is the largest organ in the body so it should carry more weight. Happiness respect joy honesty and laughter is a hard combination to come by and to let it go because of a gut feeling seems like a decision a person would soon regret and the other person would have a difficult time understanding and emotionally accepting.

Chance of clouds today

Can you imagine working so high in the air that you can't see the ground?

I'm going to see the Simpsons movie tonight. I've watched the Simpsons since they were on the Tracy Ullmun show back in da day so I'm not sure if the only difference will be a longer version of the show. I heard there was going to be some full frontal nudity.

An update from the last post, drama level has been lowered. Whinning has all but ceased. Things with POI are still at a crossroad but the map is getting easier to read. My pal Chris' company is hiring so he asked that I submit a resume. If all that weren't enough I submitted another estimate for AccessGLT (the transportation company I work for) this week. That's the second one in 2 weeks. Friday I received another RFP. If that continues and we actually get one or some of these bids all will be right with the world.

Sometimes an image matches your mood

It's a hot July day here in Raleigh town, so a dark moody image of a late spring day in North Dakota seems like a good way to cool things off. Besides It fits the conflicted way I feel today. This is the first day of my blog. I have no idea where this is going to go if anywhere but I figure it's a good outlet.

I have a full head these days with money, my relationship with my POI-Person of Interest, and my sources of income. I've always tryed to keep drama at bay. Life is to darn short to add drama into the mix. However that seems to be where I am these days. With more friend getting married or remarried these days, things unsettled with my poi and living 744 miles from my family, it's kind of quiet here in c6. Things are to the point where I'm whining. That's not me. So I decided I needed an outlet and here it is my very own blog. If nothing else it can be a way to express my views and thoughts...do people ever read these things?