Situational friends, friends and true friends

I've been interested in the dynamics of friendships for some time. There is no real purpose to categorizing friendships other than as a writing exercise.

I've been thinking about this hierarchy of friendship lately because I have spoken to a few friends recently that I haven't spoken to in some time. I couldn't say all these folks are true friends but they are good friends. I was interested in see what type of relationship would evolve from poi's cul-d-sac friends/neighbors. After poi broke up I told her that I didn't expect to hear from any of the cul-d-sac people because though they had been friends for 5 years they were going to be situational friends because they weren't going to call or invite me over for a cookout or to watch a game on tv. Poi disagreed. I have found in the past 2 weeks I haven't been forgotten by at least two of the Cul-d-sackers. I wondered if I was missed by people I had gotten to know over the years. The past 2 weeks I have found that I am missed and that they want to get together. Little things like being told that you're missed is a reaffirming thing to hear and elevates a person from a situational friend to a friend.

This is all bull shit gibberish. It's the kind of thinking that has no value but it's the kind of thinking that goes on in my head once in a while. I mean someone who is considered a true friend can fall off the map while a person that may be considered a situational friend could step up and surprise you. Poi was a true friend for a long time and now I'm not sure she fits any of the categories. She has broken up many times, a friend wouldn't do that but she had been there so many times during good times and tough times that she was true friend.

Ultimately you're a very fortunate soul if you have friends no matter what. If you're lucky enough to have a true friend or two than you have a real gift. Let them know once in a while how much you appreciate them. They know you do but it's really good to hear.

The person that deserves me, I don't deserve, yet.

If money could be made by just thinking, I'd be rich. I have wasted soooooo much time thinking about things I have no control over. I would certainly be an Olympic medalist in the Over Thinking event. Unfortunately contrary to what you may have heard there isn't money in thinking about things that have no basis in reality.
Sadly I don't have the ability to turn on and off my brain.

I've reached a decision, I'm going to take a break from Match. I can't give the masses what the crave :) in my current state. Currently if the "right" one came along I'm not sure I would recognize or act on it. I need to clear the toxins that have been floating in my spirit for way too long before I'm really ready to start again. It's the right decision for me and my future POI.

It's hot already.

90 degrees two days in a row. No one asked but I'm not ready for this heat/humidity thing.

Tomorrow is payday here in c6. Breathing has been fully restored. Professionally speaking things are pretty darn good right now. Tomorrow's check will reflect that. Also communication with poi professionally has been terrific lately, however celebrating this big accomplishment together, well I do get a check. Seems sort of empty if I may speak the truth.

Speaking of hot, last week I had three dates with three very fine women. This week I cut it back to one. Frankly unless I have a spreadsheet with profiles and emails sent, I don't remember who they are. Actually the problem is I need to step up my care level. I'm not sure what letter game I've brought to these dates but it hasn't been very high. My Match renewal in next week, I'm going to recalibrate and give it another go.

I was wondering...

...how many people from China come to the U.S. to adopt an American baby?

...if anyone I know has ever bought anything from Sky Mall?

...if homeless people know that standing all day in the sun holding up a sign that reads "will work for food" is harder than actually working? I guess holding a sign isn't a real transferable skill.

...what probiotics were good for?

...if every house made today in the U.S. has an open floor plan, granite counter tops in the kitchen, double sinks in the master bathroom, stainless appliances and that's great for entertaining? You could make a drinking game out of any real estate show on HGTV. Granite counter top, take a drink. Great for entertaining, take a drink. You'll be hammered by the end of a single episode.

...what the heck I'm doing inside when it's so beautiful outside? Artsplosure is today! I think I'll walk to it and soak up some sun.

Dating advice from Pud

Last night I met my old pal Pud at Humble Pie for a drink. Humble Pie has a great outside bar and 2 Hearted Ale is only $3.50. I haven't been out with just Pud and I in really long time.

Pud has been separated for nearly a year but didn't start dating until maybe 5 months ago. He felt with all of the wisdom he has gained in the last 5 months he need to share. Imagine listening to dating advice from George Costanza and you get the idea of pearls that would come forward.

The main thing is "Just be normal and don't be a dick" and you're in.
That's it. According to Pud women in their 40's-50's on Match are so use to men that lie and are basically dicks that if you're nice and "normal" you really stand out.

While he's sharing his knowledge of the needs and wants of women he's looking at every woman there and giving editorial comments about each.

Pud has been dating a few people. They must be thin and physically fit. Unfortunately one of the women he's dating needs to drop another 9 lbs or she risks get cut. When I asked him if he was acting contrary to his advice against acting like a dick, he said no, that he was working hard to stay in shape and expects his ladies to do the same. Asking again how that requirement wasn't dickish he didn't see it that way so it wasn't dickish.
I guess there's situational dickishness that's acceptable.

I was thankful for Pud taking the time to help me navigate the dating world but I think I've got it from here.

I'm glad I go out even though I got a $30 parking ticket. I just wanted a beer or two. I didn't order a ticket. I've been in such a good mood lately that the ticket is just a ticket. No big whoop.

Harvard Educated Educational Consultant from Chapel Hill

Two geographically undesirable women in a row. Both fine people. They were on opposite ends of the educational spectrum. One went to three different colleges and still graduated in 4 years. She had her first Masters by the age of 20. The other person had a hard time getting out of high school. Both wrote clever profiles but their locations are deal breakers. If there was real chemistry, location wouldn't carry as much weight. Both dates ended with the obligatory three pat hug. You can't fake chemistry or at least I can't.

On this Match trip I've asked the Dated Ones what their match experience has been like. Apparently a lot of men lie about their age and speak openly about their hankering for sex. Oh and a lot of men aren't as slim as they profess on their profile.

My membership is up for renewal the end of next week. I'm just not feeling this whole exercise. However other than the grocery store and running my exposure to women is very limited. I could take a break. I may do that.

Menapous and the First Date

Tonight was Ann from Clayton. Yes Clayton of Johnson County. I'll take Wake Forest over Clayton any time upon reflection. Johnson county is an odd place. It's a booming community with pharmaceutical companies and red necks. Ann at 52 is the oldest person I have ever gone out with... 518 was the agreed upon location. 518 wasn't as busy as it once was though it's always been one of my favorites. After the first round of drinks and before the tasty Calamari Ann started fanning herself with vim and vigor. She was getting hot flashes. Not that there was a buzz to kill but if there was it would be killed. She could focus on nothing else. This went on for maybe 10 minutes. I couldn't find anything in the Match.com Worst Case Scenario handbook on what to say or do.

This Match thing is a nice ego boost and if desired I could go out every night. One of the things I've noticed is that there are a lot of desperate people out there. I don't know these people and yet they're saying all sort of desperate sounding things. I sure wouldn't say the things that are being said.

64 months ago I went out on a perfect date. It's to date the best date I have ever been on. From the first to last second it was great. Fun, laughter a real connection and topped off with great sex. There was chemestry and fireworks! It was a date for the ages. I know that date was one that comes along once in a life time but Can another even come close? I need to let the past go and start a new memory a new best date ever. Frankly that's silly talk, your past will always influence your present. The trick is is to learn that the present may not have anything to do with the past. There's comfort in the past and it's what we retreat to when stressed. After a date like tonight I want to retreat to my past to my best date ever. The problem is is that that reality too is in the past so how can I move on if I base every date, every person on the best date ever?

My Black friend

I've known Vince for 26 years. I introduced he and his wife 26 years ago. Vince called this weekend out of the blue. We talked for nearly 2 hours. Kids, life, running, he now loves country music, jobs and old friends were some of the topics covered.

He asked how working with former POI was going. I said it has its ups and downs. I started working for her when we were a couple and I felt like we were real partners personally and professionally. I liked it! The dynamic has change dramatically since the break up and even further with the new guy in her life. Our partnership personally is gone and professionally strained at times. As I was told recently I work for her. No calls or emails to talk about anything other than the sphere of my job. I haven't let down my commitment to the company a single day through this. I have been as loyal as anyone could be. I believe in POI and the company and It's my professional goal to make this company as successful as I can. I do wish POI saw that and could even translate it to my loyalty to he personally, which has never wavered. The hardest part has been sitting in a meeting with POI and others and looking at POI knowing she's with someone else now. Yesterday seeing a face to a name helped a lot. The mystery is gone. I don't have to imagine what this super hero looks like. In fact he's... that doesn't matter. I told Vince that I do feel oddly emboldened by seeing a face to a name and that I can make this professional relationship work. It's a commitment I'm making for myself and for the company.

All that being said I told Vince that she is a drug and I am addicted. Even after 7 months of rehab I'm not cured. I love her today as much as I did 5 years ago. My love for her children never stopped. And I would go back in a second. But there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing at all and I don't have any expectations that she would ever come back. I told him in my reality or fantasy we'll be together again soon. The real reality is that it isn't her reality. Vince being the kind of guy that he is told me to call POI today to lay out my heart and if nothing happens nothing is lost. I told him I've done that many times. There's nothing left on my sleeve, there's nothing left in my heart that I haven't said and I frankly I can't take the rejection again. That he understood.

Alright that topic is over and hopefully will not be revisited again...unless there's a change but don't hold your breath.

facebook

When you request to "friend" someone and they don't respond but don't deny, their posts make it to your homepage once in a while. The requested friend doesn't necessarily know that their posts are being seen the the requester. I of course was friends with my former Person Of Interest but when we broke up I "unfriended" not wanting to see her posts. Then some time past and I sent her a "friend" request, which was never accepted or denied. That being said I didn't mind seeing the occasional post by POI. Today that all changed. She posted that she was now friends with her new boy. My heart sunk. I knew his first name and today his last.

I closed the page immediately. The end of this/that relationship has been like a slow drip. Little by little my family has gone away and now there's a full name to my replacement.

I opened facebook again. I needed to now put a face to the name of POI's new man. Now I know. My feelings have nothing to do with him. I'm sure he's a really great guy or she wouldn't be with him but honestly, not what I would have expected. Maybe a bit more closure came from this.

I searched and found how to cancel the friend request, which I did.

Runslikeagirl

Wednesday was Denise. Great profile, has run 4 marathons including one in NYC and great wit. Night started with Denise getting lost.Though she had my number she didn't call until I emailed her. She had given up finding my place. But was ready to try it again. We met at the Bridge Brew Pub. It was clear that she had used an older photo for her profile. Strike one. She does have a healthy sense of humor and is in great shape. Plus one. Conversation came around to what we do and she raged on my company and the concept. Not a good first date move. Strike two. After I regrouped the conversation went well. We then went to my house, I told her I had made cookies and she wanted to try one. So we retreated to c6. Cookies were tasty as per usual and she kisses really well. Plus two. On the way to her car I asked if her two kids lived with her, she said her husband has sole custody. WHAT! In America a husband got full custody of 2 children? I didn't ask how that happened. I didn't want to hear the answer. Because of the custody issue my sister's advice was to turn and run that this was too big a red flag to pursue. She's probably right. But she was a really good kisser....